cincoflex: ship (Default)
So my hysterectomy is tomorrow and in the midst of preparation, last minute groceries and all the other things I have to deal with, I'm getting a hell of a lot of attitude from Younger Son. This is very hard on me.

I know he's autistic, and that any shake-up in routine is difficult for him. He also knows this is surgery and there are all sorts of possible complications--my son is bright enough to know all that. But his fear is manifesting as anger right now, and it's the LAST damned thing I need, particularly when it's directed at me. I don't need cutting remarks or the cold shoulder treatment from anyone, least of all him.

Trying to explain my own fears doesn't help much, nor does telling him his attitude hurts; not much of that is sinking in. I want to be patient and kind but I have my own worries and fears going on right now. Consequently I'm biting my tongue and fighting the urge to lash out at him. I get that he's worried and scared because I am too.

So all I can do it be polite and re-direct him as much as possible for the moment. Hubby is at work, so he's not there to help me deal with it, and Older Son is off on his own errands. Just me and Younger Son and I'm hoping I can find a mutual project that will let us feel better together.

I think we might bake cookies today.

Anyway, just writing this helps. I hope all goes well and I should be home on Thursday.
cincoflex: ship (Default)
A time for the surgery that is.

11:45 on Wed the 12th. I suppose that makes me the lunch hour special, snerk. I'll be staying one night because the doc wants to make sure I don't have breathing issues with the sleep apnea, but I'll be free to come home the next day.

So yeah, with a week to go they finally called me with a time, and now I can get planning. I know my healthcare is pretty good, but with this hospital their scheduling is pretty fast and loose. I suppose it's partially because it's a teaching hospital, yet still . . .

In any case, I'm more than ready to get this done, seriously.


Jun. 3rd, 2017 02:55 pm
cincoflex: ship (Default)
Took a nap, got up, and promptly passed several huge blood clots into my underwear. like half the size of golf-balls.

I know you guys must be tired of hearing about all my uterine woes, but I'm documenting it so I know when and where stuff happened, and honestly, I need the comfort of women who empathize and understand this shit.

And it IS shit. Physically and emotionally I am so, so tired of this ongoing nightmare. Having to hobble to the store to buy huge bulky pads while trying not to bleed through the small pads I have is a nightmare. Knowing I can't call my doctor until Monday is a nightmare. Trying to figure out if this is the start of a period or if the clots are an isolated incident is a nightmare.

Knowing I still have over a month before surgery, and I need to go through more tests is a fucking nightmare as well.

I'm on the verge of crying right now. The stress of work, home life and now this physical issue is putting me over the top and I just feel so alone right now. I don't mean to drag anyone else down with me, but it's been a long time since I felt this low.


May. 18th, 2017 05:44 pm
cincoflex: ship (Default)
So I saw the surgeon I was referred to. Turns out she's not a gynecologist; she's a gyne-oncologist. After an exam she talked to me about the robot-assisted laparoscopic hysterectomy I'd be getting barring any complications. During the discussion she mentioned that not only were all the works going--uterus, tubes and ovaries-but also that they would be biopsying the uterus while I was still under so if they needed to remove the lymph nodes in the groin they'd be able to do that too.

Pre-cancerous my ass. Sounds to me like I have cancer.

I listened to all the instructions, got the paperwork for the pre-op tests I'll need and realized by the time I got out to my car that I was angry. Really Angry. Because a year ago I'd been asking for a hysterectomy and was told that an ablation was all I needed. And I accepted that, and it didn't work and now here I am, scared, angry and about to face another birthday recovering from surgery.

I could let it fester, but I won't. It's done and I'm dealing with what I need to deal with right now. Other people have bigger problems, harder situations, more desperate circumstances. I'm so damned lucky to have insurance, a loving family and a summer off. I KNOW this.

So when it comes to making a choice, I'm choosing to tackle this head on and keep moving in the right direction.
cincoflex: ship (Default)
So I have an appointment to meet the surgeon--yet another hoop in the process of getting this surgery done. Anyone else get to the point of wanting to grab a melon-baller and doing it yourself?

The appointment is May 18th--nearly twenty days from now. I'm pissed because I know the surgeon will probably schedule me for some further tests, like an EKG, and that means more delays. Honestly, I'd hoped to have this done before the start of summer and now it's looking more and more like mid-summer, which sucks for a lot of reasons.

And this surgeon is a gyno-oncologist, which puts a little more dread into the proceedings right there.

On a happier note I've put three manuscripts through Createspace and will be getting the proofs soon, so if you ever wanted a great fantasy adventure with centaurs, or an urban fantasy about a grocery store, or even a re-print of my first book about the romance of a speedster and a shape-changer, they'll be available soon, kindle or print. Even if you don't buy one, check out the covers and laugh at the author's photo!

Titles are:

The Guard of Mindar
Crow Foods
Argent Vite

More when I know more.


cincoflex: ship (Default)

August 2017



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